The Gulbransens Blog: November 2008

Gang...this is from my regular blog site, www.scottgulbransen.com, but I wanted to share it here.

The last several weeks for me personally have been one heck of a roller coaster ride.

Not only did we lose our fourth child to miscarriage in late October, but the toll of everyday life has been just a little overwhelming the past 60 days.

One of the reasons for that overwhelming emotion and stress has been my public support of Proposition 8 in my home state of California. The issue of gay marriage is not a simple one and it's very emotional on both sides.I have many friends and co-workers on both sides of the issue whom I care for deeply. They are all good people who also have strong beliefs. While our beliefs aren't always aligned, I respect their opinion and their right to disagree with what I believe.

What has been disconcerting to me is how many of my longtime friends have been somewhat hostile to me regarding this issue. I certainly understand passion but this has been staggering.

I have always been partisan, like most of us. In the past, before 2007, I was a life-long registered Republican. In 2007, I switched to an Independent primarily because I think the Republican party has completely lost its way and no longer adheres to the conservative values I hold dear as a Catholic. In fact, in selecting John McCain, the Republican party again proves that when it moves to the center, it loses and loses big.

Nonetheless, I've never hid the fact that I am conservative. What I haven't done in the past is really talk about openly my views on social issues. Issues like abortion or gay marriage are something I hold very strong opinions about didn't really share.

In everyone's lives, there comes a time when you must take a side and draw a line in the sand. You take one side or the other. In the case of Proposition 8, I chose the side that aligned with my views as a Catholic.

I didn't do this because I don't like gay men or women and I certainly didn't do it to "supress" any civil right. I did so because I am strong in my faith and my faith tells me, as does my intuition, that the redefining of marriage in the social context is wrong. Mostly, because I believe the family structure and the construct of marriage is about procreation and the establishment of the best environment to raise children.

There are many people who do not share my view. They believe strongly in views that are the converse of mine. They believe if two people are in love, they should be able to "marry". That's a view I may disagree with, but I respect their right to have that view. I respect their right to further their own cause. I respect their view to even take their issues to the people for a vote.

Because I respect the views of people that are very different of my own, doesn't mean I am obligated to support their views. Just as I wouldn't expect them to support mine. This is precisely what I feel back from those who have a different view on the gay marriage issue. They will not respect my view (most of them) and instead choose to label me with words like "bigot" or say I am full of "hate."

Of course, all of these assertions are wrong. I am a loving husband and father who does all that he can to help make our world a better place. That includes charity work, compassion for others and a belief that is steeped in my Catholic faith. The time and money I donate to these worthwhile causes intersect often with the gay community in the form of care and help to those afflicted with AIDS. To me, they are people in need and I want to help no matter what their preference. I see God in all of them and it's my duty to help people from all faiths, communities and afflictions.

It seems to be that, because my Catholic faith is strong and clear, I am being ridiculed for those said beliefs. When I tell people I am against gay marriage as a Catholic, they find all sorts of insults and reasons to bash my faith. I've lost count of the "pedophile priest" jokes, or the "religion is the root of all evil" missives. These views are vastly different from my own but they themselves are built on hate and intolerance of what I hold dear.

When I mention that to those I have had these discussions with, they act like I am crazy. They act as though me, and the 1 Billion other Catholics worldwide, are religious fanatics bent on burning gay people at the stake. Of course, that's completely ridiculous.

What seems to be at issue is my views being made public. On more than one occasion, I've been told by several gay and straight friends that I have to be ready to a negative reaction should I air my opinions on the issue. I agree, to a point. I am always open to dissenting opinions that are different than my own. But when it is full of platitudes and ad hominem attacks, it leads nowhere but to discontent and anger directed at me for freely expressing my views. In a healthy democracy, that's never a good thing and goes against what I believe to be the principles this nation was founded on.

I am not writing this post to convince anyone what their view should be on the issue. That debate has already occurred and been voted on by over 10 Million Californians. The side I chose to support won the day but the issue is not over and is something we will continue to deal with on a societal level.

What I do want to leave people with is that my view and opinion is no different than yours: I believe it to be true and I am set to live according to my religious beliefs. Sometimes we step up to fight (figuratively) for those beliefs and that's what I've done.

I also respect those fighting passionately on the other side. All I ask is for the same respect you demand.

My gay friends know that I don't treat anyone differently and always treat them with respect and will continue to do so. They also realize that I am strong in my faith and accept it even if they think it wrong.

For those that can't reconcile with the fact that I have strong opinions based on my Catholic faith, I don't know what else to say. You choose your friends how you choose your friends. I would hate to lose any of them but if they cannot accept my view, it becomes their choice, not mine.